Why I don't believe in love at first sight

A few years ago there was an email going about my friend circle with a number of questions. One of these questions was: "Do you believe in love at first sight?" I don't remember what I answered, but at the time I wasn't sure. It wasn't something I had given much thought.
A few years later and I know that I don't - not in a romantic way anyway - in most cases. Perhaps there are those exceptions and extraordinary times when people meet for the first time and just know that this is the person they are going to get married, but in general I don't think love at first sight happens. Here's why:

There's more to a person than looks
Can you really see someone and just know that you will be happy with them? That they are a nice person and that you have enough similarities and dissimilarities to be together for the rest of your life?

How you see a person changes
Perhaps this is just me, but the first time I see someone they physically look different to how they do after I have gotten to know them. I guess this is because as you get to know people you notice and appreciate different things about them. The flaws become less obvious and you look for the beautiful eyes you noticed or the pretty smile that makes them look even more lovely. A few years ago someone said something about a friend's physical appearance and when I thought about it it was there, but I had ceased to notice it.

Love
Love at first sight is linked to eros, one of the greek words for love. It is a passionate love. One explanation that I read says that: "Though Eros is directed towards another, it actually has self in mind. For example: “I love you because you make me happy.”" Eros has to do with emotions. Emotions change. There are other loves (the greek had many words for love) that also need to be present.
Maybe a marriage that is started on eros can survive by developing the others, but if not, it probably won't last long.

I think a lot of what makes you like people is their personality. Their humour, their idiosyncrasies, the way they treat you and the way they act. It takes time to get to know them and to learn and appreciate these things about them.

If "love at first sight" is all you have to go on, you're only looking at what you see when you first meet them. Yes, this is a part of them, but is it enough to know that you are in love with them and will love them for the rest of your life?

How much changes in a year?

12/11/15

One year ago today marks the first post of this blog. I have learnt things and grown in the past year so today I'll share with you one of these things.

At the beginning of last year I was scared of the future. The funny thing is I thought I knew what I was going to do, it made sense, lined up with my passion and though I was open to God changing that idea, every time I was asked what I was going to do after school I would give the same answer. Yet I was scared. Where would I go? How would it work out?

About halfway through the year the realisation dawned that it didn't matter if I knew. It didn't matter because God knew and that was enough for now. Around the same time I started to wonder if this plan was really what I was supposed to do. It wasn't what I wanted to do every day anymore. Some days my passion was not even enjoyable. That was really hard, but I slowly learnt to trust God with that too. Now not only did I not know where I was going I had little idea what to do when I got there. That was towards the end of last year. Over the past half a year I have tried to plan what I am doing next year. I have some ideas and I have gathered information and I have prayed. And now I wait to see which direction God leads. And actually it is not that bad. Going from someone who was worried because she didn't know the details of the next stage of life to now not knowing for certain where I will be or what I will be doing in 2 or 3 months time and being okay with that (most of the time) is, well, strange. I don't mind not knowing as much anymore and though some days I am very stressed because I feel like I am running out of time to figure it out, it is easier to wait than it used to be. I find it very fascinating how I now see that it was a step by step process. God didn't just throw me into complete unknown, out-of-my-depth water, but slowly lead me down a step at a time whilst I learnt to trust Him a little more at each step.

How much changes in a year? A lot and a little. In some areas there has been a large shifting and in others, not as much as I would like. I still have a lot of the same flaws and weaknesses as a year ago, but life is a journey and as long as I am continuously changing to become more like Jesus and more like the person God wants me to be then it is okay.

Like puffs of wind

Psalms 78:39 "God remembered that they were made of flesh and were like a wind that blows once and then dies down." 

Have you ever thought about how out of everyone God is interested in you? And wants a relationship with you? Never does he write you off as a lost cause, even when you mess up pretty badly. Out of 7 billion plus people he doesn't just give up and move on to the next one. Like in the story of the 99 sheep where the 100th one was missing, the shepard left 99 sheep to go and find the 1. He looked for the last one and saved it. He hasn't given up on you. He's not going to give up on you.

Happily ever after

All fairytales I've heard end with happily ever after. Why is this? Do all people have an innate knowledge that there is such a thing? Is the reason so many people, or at least children, believe that it exists is because it does? Maybe not here, but it does :)

C.S Lewis' quote sums this up pretty well:

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

- C.S Lewis

P.S. Whilst writing this one of my friends sent me a message about a fantasied happily ever after :P  

Nefelibata aka. My favourite word

I love words. I love unusual words and at the moment my favourite word is actually not even an English word. It is Portuguese.

Nefelibata.
It's literal meaning is "cloud-walker"
The definition is: Someone who lives in the clouds of their own imagination or dreams; one who does not obey the conventions of society or art.

Feeding plants

"Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants"

As necessary as plants are I'm not quite sure our whole function is to facilitate their photosynthesis. But sometimes when we feel useless we can be exactly what someone needs just by being us and just by being there. Even if we feel like we aren't helping, a silly conversation, a few encouraging words or just showing that we care and are happy to be a part of their lives can be helpful. Perhaps more than is apparent. 

Capturing the moments

I have decided to undertake a challenge. I am quite excited. I am going to try and take a photo a day. There will probably be some pretty silly ones and some rather terrible ones but I think it'll be fun as well as making sure I am using my camera more which in turn will make sure that I learn more.

I've decided to create a new blog to upload them to that is focused on that project. This blog will still be for writing and showing you things as I see them. I'll probably upload the photos on maybe on a weekly basis? Daily could get a bit overwhelming time wise as well as the sheer number of posts that would have to go up.

You can find this project here: http://myviewingoftheworld.blogspot.com/

Capturing the moments that make up my life
 Here is Day 1:

Ichariba chode

As some people know I have a fascination with Japan. I also have a fascination with words. So a Japanese phrase with a nice meaning that I stumbled across whilst scrolling through Other Wordly is pretty cool to me. I thought I'd share it with ya'll :)

Ichariba chode 
   "Though we meet but once, even by chance, we are friends for life."

I met a lot of people when I was overseas that I may never see again which is a little sad, but even so I am glad to have met them. It's pretty cool to have some once-met people across the world that I will always consider friends.

Summer Camp

For 5 days each year hundreds of teenagers gather for a five day camp with the purpose of having fun and growing spiritually. This Summer Camp is held on a farm with tents for housing and venues and recently built ablution blocks. The camp hosts a few hundred people who are eager to have fun, wack each other with pool noodles and sweat in the inescapable heat. Needless to say there are many stories that come out of Summer Camp.


At the end of camp, as quite often in our church services, we were encouraged to think of just one thing in particular that we learnt. I find this quite cool as often there is so much packed into one sermon or talk that to remember it all and apply it all at one time is impossible, so finding one thing that stood out to focus on is helpful. This year from my copious notes (jokes, I only have about 5 pages which is unusual) I found particularly interesting the thought that our walk with Jesus is about the journey and not the destination. I have been trying to apply this idea in other areas in my life and to focus on what is happening now instead of being too focused on the future so that I don't enjoy the present. Realizing that that applies to my relationship with God as well is interesting.

In Luke 9 Jesus is approached by three people who each want to follow Him but each have things they feel they need to do before, or responsibilities they think come first, or want to follow Jesus, but would keep looking back. One says to Jesus "I'll follow you anywhere!" (v57) but as the camp speaker explained it wasn't about the destination, where they were going. It was about the journey, what happened along the way, how they went, the people they met. Sometimes we are too busy looking ahead to see what is in front of us and what opportunities we miss to influence people's lives or just to give them a helping hand.

Awestruck

Recently at youth we were discussing people's questions about God and though some of that was very interesting the most interesting thing for me was the fact that for some questions we can get answers to from people around us, from the bible or from God but some questions we just can't! Some answers are just beyond our understanding; our mortal minds cannot fathom how awesome God is!

Labels are for canned food

Labels are a nuisance and yet helpful. They can place us in a box yet help express who we are.

"My feeling is that labels are for canned food... I am what I am - and I know what I am."
- Michael Stipe

Labels may help us to identify with people and explain parts of us to some extent but we shouldn't be held back or restricted or limited by them. You're so much more than a bunch of words, so much more than these preconceived ideas and stereotypes. You're complex, complicated and wonderful.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well - Psalm 139:14

Each and every individual is unique and though we share traits, interests and characteristics which can help you to relate to a person they don't define you. That may sound contradictory to what I said earlier and I guess it is. Because they do and they don't. You are showing parts of who you are by these labels but only a part of you. You are so many things that join together to make you you. So many that I don't think you could ever be defined by words.