So, a topic that has come up a lot recently is this topic of transparency. Which is great! Except when I am expected to do it.... It's not that I am a very closed and private person, if I trust you to some degree I am very open, but it's difficult to be open about my weaknesses and struggles to more than a select group of people or people that I know will understand. I'm still trying to figure out exactly why. Sure, it could be that I don't want them to see me a certain way without understanding it completely, it could be a pride thing, it could be uncertainty of how to explain my self to some people or uncertainty of how they will take it. I don't want to try and explain something and they get the wrong picture and I can't redraw it.Yet I see the importance of it. I see the importance of being open and transparent. It opens doors for common ground and approachability. It can help others or could help you. It makes you less afraid of others, makes you more aware of real love when you know they can see all that you have done wrong yet still love you anyway.
But it's hard. It's scary and it's daunting. I know I need to be more transparent with more people. There is no reason to be afraid because I know who I am, I know that I have value to God no matter how scuffed I am or how much I mess up; and yes, you should becareful of who you open up to cause some people aren't worth the trust, but I'm speaking about a safe community, that I should be able to trust to a larger extent.
Yet I am transparent to only a certain degree with most people. To a place where it requires no or minimal risk.
But the point of something being transparent is to be able to through it, to see into it. To see the reality of what is inside.
Transparent.
Transparently opaque. An oxymoron. One that so often happens.
Opaque: Impenetrable by light, blocking the passage of radiant energy and especially light
But light is necessary. Light is necessary for things to grow. Light takes away shame.
Then why is it so scary?
Even in the simple idea of saying: I'm not okay. It's easier to make people believe everything is more or less okay, sure not perfect, but okay. I don't want to explain, I don't want to feel like I'm failing.
But it's okay to not be okay.
That is something I have learnt this year. I used to sometimes think that if I wasn't coping (other than for reasons when it would completely make sense to not be) then I was a terrible Christian. Cause Christians should just be fine all the time right..?
No...
Yes, God gives us hope, even in the midst of trying times or low days, but that doesn't automatically make everything perfect.
And yes, we can't just stay in the low places, in the bad moods, in the doubting, but I don't think it makes you a terrible person because you aren't having a good day, or more drastically are battling with thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Just read some of the psalms. David was not always okay. He sounds depressed and down and upset at some stages, but yet he still praises God. He doesn't stay there, but he does go through down moments. Yet he is still remembered as a man after God's own heart, even though he wasn't always happy and was quite clear about that.
Honesty and transparency can bring us closer, help us to help each other.
Why are we so scared of not being okay in front of each other?
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