Thursday 23 November 2017

Hello Again

The reason that I haven't been on this blog much lately is that I have been struggling to form words. Emotions have been overwhelming and trying to even find words for that is hard.

Something I have realised though, is that even when it feels like we're the only ones feeling a certain way, we really aren't. I have discovered many people recently that can relate to my sometimes strange feelings. The ones that are there for a reason and the ones don't make sense.

It seemed like I had nothing to say. I wasn't sure how I could help anyone through my words. I have been thinking a lot about what my purpose is here. I know that God has created us to know Him and worship Him, to tell others about Him and to help those around us. That is the simple answer, and it sufficed for years, but for a while it didn't seem like enough. I wanted to know what I was supposed to be doing. Where I was meant to be.

I think what started these thoughts was that there was a chance I was going to move. I discovered a program that combined many of my passions and desires. I was looking at joining a Discipleship Training School that ministered to people through the arts. I love the creative side of things and the way that the arts can speak to people.

I was very excited for this new place, new community, new opportunities. But it was taking a long time to get a reply on whether I was accepted into the program or not and that was stressful as it was getting to a few weeks before I would need to leave and I didn't know whether I was going or staying. I don't like uncertainty. I like to have plans for the bigger things and I like knowing what I am meant to be doing. There was also some miscommunication and things were getting delayed until there wasn't really enough time to sort everything out. Because of this I asked if my application could be postponed to the next year.

But there have been some good things that have happened through my staying. I am also learning yet again to trust God, with every section of my life. He knows what I need and when I need it. He is always there even when I can't see His hand directly and wonder what is happening. He has provided me with good friends, a supportive family and sparking ideas.

I have also realised something recently that I think will help me to not stress so much over things. It's something that people have said to me many times before, but as someone said last night at com (bible study), it is often needed for you to have a realisation of something yourself for it really to make a difference.

In a sense, stressing about things is focusing more on what could go wrong instead of keeping my focus on God. I know that He has me, so why do I worry so much? It's hard to put this into practice but I am going to try!

So, I am staying in place for now, but I am excited. It feels like things are coming together and I have plans. It is exciting :)

~~~ On a side note, I ordered a new camera today. I am very excited!!!! ~~~