I haven't done much today

I haven't done a lot of productive things today, but maybe that's okay. 

Earlier this year I was almost constantly anxious, and a lot of that came from feeling like I was never good enough or had never done enough. These expectations felt like they came from other people, but the way I took them didn't encourage me to work harder or be more productive, it stressed me into trying to get more done, trying to keep busy. I did get quite a lot done, and I know that some of those techniques like keeping lists are helpful, but I was always stressed and just about ready to burst into tears if any little change came into my carefully planned out day. I had to always be planned a day or two ahead, with everything fitting in and working out.

These things aren't bad in themselves, having a list of goals to achieve or wanting to have plans, but I wasn't flexible at all, which is odd as I knew I had been stretched the previous two years in exactly that thing, yet I let stress and overthinking run my life.

So though I may not have got a lot done today, and I know I should get back to making lists and doing more, I'm not as anxious when I am awake, I don't have stomach aches almost every day and at the moment I am appreciating the time to get to know myself better. I realised recently there are some things about my character that I want to change, ways that I've been acting and reacting that are not healthy nor come from a good place. I have identified most of the reasons why and now I get the interesting time of figuring out how to change my thinking so that I don't continually struggle with the same things.

I guess in some way or another we're all just growing together