Hello Again

The reason that I haven't been on this blog much lately is that I have been struggling to form words. Emotions have been overwhelming and trying to even find words for that is hard.

Something I have realised though, is that even when it feels like we're the only ones feeling a certain way, we really aren't. I have discovered many people recently that can relate to my sometimes strange feelings. The ones that are there for a reason and the ones don't make sense.

It seemed like I had nothing to say. I wasn't sure how I could help anyone through my words. I have been thinking a lot about what my purpose is here. I know that God has created us to know Him and worship Him, to tell others about Him and to help those around us. That is the simple answer, and it sufficed for years, but for a while it didn't seem like enough. I wanted to know what I was supposed to be doing. Where I was meant to be.

I think what started these thoughts was that there was a chance I was going to move. I discovered a program that combined many of my passions and desires. I was looking at joining a Discipleship Training School that ministered to people through the arts. I love the creative side of things and the way that the arts can speak to people.

I was very excited for this new place, new community, new opportunities. But it was taking a long time to get a reply on whether I was accepted into the program or not and that was stressful as it was getting to a few weeks before I would need to leave and I didn't know whether I was going or staying. I don't like uncertainty. I like to have plans for the bigger things and I like knowing what I am meant to be doing. There was also some miscommunication and things were getting delayed until there wasn't really enough time to sort everything out. Because of this I asked if my application could be postponed to the next year.

But there have been some good things that have happened through my staying. I am also learning yet again to trust God, with every section of my life. He knows what I need and when I need it. He is always there even when I can't see His hand directly and wonder what is happening. He has provided me with good friends, a supportive family and sparking ideas.

I have also realised something recently that I think will help me to not stress so much over things. It's something that people have said to me many times before, but as someone said last night at com (bible study), it is often needed for you to have a realisation of something yourself for it really to make a difference.

In a sense, stressing about things is focusing more on what could go wrong instead of keeping my focus on God. I know that He has me, so why do I worry so much? It's hard to put this into practice but I am going to try!

So, I am staying in place for now, but I am excited. It feels like things are coming together and I have plans. It is exciting :)

~~~ On a side note, I ordered a new camera today. I am very excited!!!! ~~~

Tagged

As this is a year of firsts I guess it makes sense that I have been challenged to do my first tag. It's called the Liebster Award, and as far as I can tell, is for the purpose of recognising and promoting blogs that are of a good standard but have few followers. I am quite honoured that Bonnie of Bonnie's Blessings tagged me. I recommend that you check out her blog. It is honestly an awesome place with many interesting articles ranging from faith, to a sky diving experience, to fun Awkward & Awesome posts. Besides, Bonnie is a lovely person and I am happy to know her even though we have never met in person.

So on to the tag. I have a series of 11 questions to answer and then I shall (attempt to) tag 11 (I honestly don't even know 11) bloggers to continue this challenge.

Alright, let's go!

1. What is the scariest thing you have ever done?

It may sound strange, but I think the scariest thing I have ever done was a performance. I have been involved in a number of dancing shows; whether studio shows, shows that incorporated dance, shows at festivals, etc. This one was a youth ballet and had auditions for the various parts. I didn't audition for it as I was writing my first academic exams ever during the auditions and first rehearsals. After a few months of rehearsals and people dropping out for various reasons, they decided they needed an understudy for some of the parts. To try and explain which parts and the details is too complicated for here, but I basically had to learn 6 dances in four different people's places in 6 weeks. That was hectic, but wasn't the scariest part. On the morning of a performance day one of the girls that I hadn't understudied for was sick. I had to learn her parts and placings in an hour or two before the performance without a run through and without the rest of the cast. I think waiting to go on stage that night was the most nervous I have ever been for a show, or anything! But it was exhilarating to be on stage dancing a part that I had just learnt, and I did it! I managed to do a whole performance in a position I had only learnt that day and not make too many mistakes. I honestly wouldn't have thought I was capable of that!

2. If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what advice would you give them?

Something I have been reminded a lot of lately is that doing anything without love is just doing a good deed. God doesn't want us to do things begrudgingly but with love as this is what others will see and will bring Him glory. So I guess my advice would be to remember what is important and why you are doing it. 

3. Who are some famous people (currently alive) that you would like to meet someday?

Hmm, I think it would be interesting to meet Richard Dean Anderson from MacGyver (my favourite series) although I know that meeting people in person might not be as you expect. As it says some, Anthem Lights and the performing arts group Enra. 

4. Do you like to plan things out in detail or be spontaneous?

This depends on what it is and the mood that I am in. If it is an event or trip or something important, plan it. However it is also fun just to do things sometimes. 

5. What is your favourite joke?

My favourite joke is probably one about people discussing going into space and to the moon and someone says that they will be the first to go to the sun and that they won't burn up because they will go at night. I also really like the jokes that appear between friends that you can laugh about for years and sometimes don't even make sense. 

6. Who or what in your life has influenced you the most?

What: Dancing. I still want to do a post on the many things that dancing has taught me. Who: Jesus. I can't imagine my life without Him and I know that He will always have an influence on my life. I always want to keep growing and with that comes new challenges that will influence me and will put my life on a completlely different path to that which it would be if I were to blindly choose it. 

7. Do you like spicy food?

I do, although not extremely spicy. 

8. If you could try out any job for a day, which job would you pick?

I think it would be fun to see what an actress's day is like. I think it is one of those jobs that aren't normal and also will be different each day and expose you to many new experiences and views of life. 

9. If you could learn one random skill, which skill would it be?

How to pick a lock. Somehow that seems like a fun skill to have. I'm not sure how useful, but interesting. 

10. What is the biggest personal change you have ever made?

Wow. What a question. I guess deciding to do a missions program this year was a change. It was definitely different from what I thought I would be doing and has exposed me to many new things that I haven't done before. I'm not sure if that answers the question specifically but I can't think of any very personal change that was significantly large.

11. If someone were to make a movie about your life so far, what would that movie be called?

I can't think of a suitable title so I'll just choose my favourite word: Nefelibata. It kinda fits because I sometimes feel like I spend to much time in my imagination and I don't think I fit a cultural norm. 

Okay! Done! 

So now for those tagged below, these are the rules:

1. Link back to the person who tagged you

2. Answer all the questions

3. Tag 11 bloggers (if you know that many) that have less than 1000 readers

4. Ask them 11 questions

5. Let them know that you have tagged them

The people I would like to challenge are:

1. Amy from Aimzpaiges

2. Cari fom Dance In The Rain

Feel free to go look at their blogs! Amy has a lovely way of writing and using it as a form of expression with beautiful imagery and symbolism.

Cari is a lovely person that I had the pleasure to meet at a Dance Intensive. She has a bright smile, lovely heart, and though I haven't read a lot of her blog posts, she has some very interesting topics to discuss. 

And now the awkward part where I realise that I really don't know many people with a blog that has less than 1000 readers, or has the time to complete this...

Questions: 

1. What makes you feel most alive?

2. If you were to live in another place for a year, where would you choose?

3. Why is your favourite book your favourite?

4. What is the biggest change you would make to the world if you knew it would work?
5. What is your favourite way to travel?
6. Are you loud or fairly reserved?
7. What is one food that you could almost not live without?
8. What are you looking forward to?
9. What is the strangest place you have been?
10. Tea or coffee?
11. What makes you happy?

Enjoy :)

How much changes in a year?

12/11/15

One year ago today marks the first post of this blog. I have learnt things and grown in the past year so today I'll share with you one of these things.

At the beginning of last year I was scared of the future. The funny thing is I thought I knew what I was going to do, it made sense, lined up with my passion and though I was open to God changing that idea, every time I was asked what I was going to do after school I would give the same answer. Yet I was scared. Where would I go? How would it work out?

About halfway through the year the realisation dawned that it didn't matter if I knew. It didn't matter because God knew and that was enough for now. Around the same time I started to wonder if this plan was really what I was supposed to do. It wasn't what I wanted to do every day anymore. Some days my passion was not even enjoyable. That was really hard, but I slowly learnt to trust God with that too. Now not only did I not know where I was going I had little idea what to do when I got there. That was towards the end of last year. Over the past half a year I have tried to plan what I am doing next year. I have some ideas and I have gathered information and I have prayed. And now I wait to see which direction God leads. And actually it is not that bad. Going from someone who was worried because she didn't know the details of the next stage of life to now not knowing for certain where I will be or what I will be doing in 2 or 3 months time and being okay with that (most of the time) is, well, strange. I don't mind not knowing as much anymore and though some days I am very stressed because I feel like I am running out of time to figure it out, it is easier to wait than it used to be. I find it very fascinating how I now see that it was a step by step process. God didn't just throw me into complete unknown, out-of-my-depth water, but slowly lead me down a step at a time whilst I learnt to trust Him a little more at each step.

How much changes in a year? A lot and a little. In some areas there has been a large shifting and in others, not as much as I would like. I still have a lot of the same flaws and weaknesses as a year ago, but life is a journey and as long as I am continuously changing to become more like Jesus and more like the person God wants me to be then it is okay.