12/11/15One year ago today marks the first post of this blog. I have learnt things and grown in the past year so today I'll share with you one of these things.
At the beginning of last year I was scared of the future. The funny thing is I thought I knew what I was going to do, it made sense, lined up with my passion and though I was open to God changing that idea, every time I was asked what I was going to do after school I would give the same answer. Yet I was scared. Where would I go? How would it work out?
About halfway through the year the realisation dawned that it didn't matter if I knew. It didn't matter because God knew and that was enough for now. Around the same time I started to wonder if this plan was really what I was supposed to do. It wasn't what I wanted to do every day anymore. Some days my passion was not even enjoyable. That was really hard, but I slowly learnt to trust God with that too. Now not only did I not know where I was going I had little idea what to do when I got there. That was towards the end of last year. Over the past half a year I have tried to plan what I am doing next year. I have some ideas and I have gathered information and I have prayed. And now I wait to see which direction God leads. And actually it is not that bad. Going from someone who was worried because she didn't know the details of the next stage of life to now not knowing for certain where I will be or what I will be doing in 2 or 3 months time and being okay with that (most of the time) is, well, strange. I don't mind not knowing as much anymore and though some days I am very stressed because I feel like I am running out of time to figure it out, it is easier to wait than it used to be. I find it very fascinating how I now see that it was a step by step process. God didn't just throw me into complete unknown, out-of-my-depth water, but slowly lead me down a step at a time whilst I learnt to trust Him a little more at each step.
How much changes in a year? A lot and a little. In some areas there has been a large shifting and in others, not as much as I would like. I still have a lot of the same flaws and weaknesses as a year ago, but life is a journey and as long as I am continuously changing to become more like Jesus and more like the person God wants me to be then it is okay.
